


Vvulnerability

by circlegirl



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fear, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Kissing, M/M, Minor Violence, Naked Cuddling, Paranoia, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Red Romance, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:51:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4708304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circlegirl/pseuds/circlegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After some venturing into a redrom relationship with Sollux, Eridan gets really paranoid about it. </p><p>For the 30 day OTP challenge--naked cuddling</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vvulnerability

You have never felt so un-alone in your entire life. You have also never felt so vulnerable.

You’re not kids anymore, you or him. You’ve both died, him only half while you were cut in half. You shudder at the memory and pull closer to him, his body so hot to your touch which fills you with a comfort you’re really not familiar with. You hear him stir slightly, and you half wonder if he’s half awake, because being half and half would sure suit him.

He never was interested in you before. You half wonder if this is some sort of cruel joke out of hatred, the platonic kind, and after being sprites with you he knew just how to get under your skin to truly cut you apart. The maturing part of you tries to let you know that he probably doesn’t actually even care enough about you to hate you that much, even platonically, but you did kill his ex-matesprit, and you feel yourself shudder despite his warm extra heat. That thought powers your paranoia.

 _This is a joke; this is a joke, this is a joke_. It’s a constant mantra your head. You want to abscond from this particular situation just so you don’t have that in your head, cutting you up. There’d be no other reason why he’d stop by your hive. “ _Becauth you have better internet connethon,_ ” isn’t even a good excuse. He’d kissed you, for god’s sake. And you’d been too enthralled to even question it till now. (His lips on yours had been rather distracting).

It wasn’t even black, which was what you’d expected from him if anything. It wasn’t even black.

It had to be a joke. Maybe you should just leave right now, before he gets to the sick punchline. You’re trying to imagine ways to defend yourself as you think through it all, but all you can really think is stuttering out about how you would think a lowblood like himself would be sure to love someone like you, but after your time shared as a sprite, you both knew that would be hoofbeastmanure.

You realise you’re terrified. You’re so fucking terrified. Right now, it feels like you’ve never felt this strongly about anyone (even Fef), and you’re not sure if it’s love for him being here with you now, or hatred for the thing you feel as if he’s inevitably about to do. Make this all a joke on you.

You realise you couldn’t imagine anything worse.

You want to wrap your cape around yourself and hide from the vulnerability you feel with his skin touching yours; your arm draped over his body. (But you also want to wrap yourself up in him even more, have him wrapping his arms around you, telling you this isn’t a joke. Telling you he does pity you; he does care about you. That he would definitely want to kiss you again.)

You should leave now to at least save yourself some remnant of pride. If you left, the joke could be on him. It would still really be on you, but you could act like it wasn’t. You could act as if you never wanted to fill a pail with him. (Actually, laying here right now with him, that would be paradise if you weren’t so fucking terrified).

But where would you even go? You were in your respiteblock, in your hive. How could you run away from this? It felt like he personally infiltrated more of your life, and you hate it. (No you didn’t. You hated feeling so alone).

You’re shuddering again, so you pull even closer to him, smelling his hair (which, funnily enough, smelt like honey). You at least wish you’d both decided to keep your undergarments on. Being close to him felt being fried alive on a wire to a bomb. You are burning as you speak, but that is mostly linked to the fact you are about to be obliterated.

You pull in even closer, and he shifts.

“ED?” he asks, obviously drifting fully into consciousness. Your collapsing and your expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system is going to fucking burst because you can not deal with this. You cannot deal with the sound of surprise in his voice or the way you feel him mentally check his body for clothing. As if he hadn’t been the one to firstly take off your cape because “How can I kith you properly with thith meth getting in the way?”, and he’d also been the one to pull up the edge of your shirt.

You stay very still, except for your hand which is tracing patterns on his chest as if that could calm you now, as if anything could.

You know that if this turns out the way you know it would, you will say so many awful things you will drown, like you feel you are now, despite the fact you could breathe under water fine.

It made it all very ironic.

You kinda want to say them all now, just to get them out. No matter how ugly and embarrassing your defenses were. You want to either abscond or aggress, or both, but you also didn’t want to mess this up, on the very off chance this was real. Because you realise you’d been really confused before. And this really was what you want. But he was going to turn it into a joke. He was playing you. This was revenge for Feferi, who thinking about also fills you with other nasty thoughts--regret.

Have you mentioned you’re terrified?

You’d actually prefer if he shot you in a chest with your magic science wand. You really don’t want to go through this.

Sol stirs and turns to face you, his body moving against yours. You love the feeling, the feeling of closeness and pressure. You aren’t alone and he is so real. (You are so fucked).

This makes you angrier because he has so much to use against you when this turned awry. Because you just moaned as he moved, and you just started gazing into his (healed) bi-coloured eyes feeling a peace that maybe scared you as much as the paranoia (what paranoia? it all made sense).

So you punch him in the face.

He seems too shocked to respond really, after flinching back. It wasn’t a very hard blow, not with him being so close lying beside you. You are ready to hit him again, the fury was really starting to blind you and you just want, oh you just want so badly for him to not have made you all opened up and vulnerable in front of him to tear you apart. You are so angry you don’t know what to do with yourself. Anger scares you because you know you had a problem with it, but right now you don’t care and are just trying to simultaneously hold yourself together and care -- when you don’t.

“Fuck you, Sol! You fuckin’ pissblood, nooksniff--” you start, but Sollux cuts you off by simply saying “ED?”. And that makes you even angrier. You’re not sure why. You want to punch him again, properly. You want to knock out his healed-by-the-game teeth.

You are just so hurt. So unbelievably hurt. And when you saw his face look hurt, you aren’t sure what that made you. It mostly made you cringe. Now you are fighting back tears. You wish you were at least wearing your apparel so you could turn your collar up at him but no, he hasn’t moved and you haven’t either really, so you are both naked staring at each others faces.

“ED? What the fuck?” Sollux asks. You can’t read a bit of emotion on his face whatsoever. How dare he remain so emotionless when you are writhing inside? (It’s because this was all a joke, and he’d be good at hiding his laughter till the last second, wouldn’t he?).

“I don’t feel anyfin for you,” you say. He actually has the audacity to raise his eyebrows at you. You raise your chin at him--a kinda hard thing to do lying down, but you manage. If his eyebrows could go higher, you bet they would.

“What’th going on?” he asks you, and you can feel yourself fleeing into the back of your body trying to abscond, but being a troll makes it impossible to leave your own skin.

“You, wwith your seducin’ and le--leavvin’,” you make out. Fuck, now you felt even more vulnerable. Now you outright admitted it. Outloud. Now he could use this against you. Now he had more to mock you for.

“ED, you fucking grub. I’m not leaving you.” He shifts and hesitantly puts his arm over your body, as if he is unsure that’s what he’s supposed to do right now. (Maybe he is just scared you’d hit him again. Not that he couldn’t protect himself. But.) He sighs.

You realise you want to believe it more than anything else ever. You also realise you are starting to shake and no way you can’t be no no nope nope no...

You are terrified. You are shaking. You vaguely feel as if his words are true, and now you are shaking more because if this isn’t all a huge joke then you think it’d hurt even more if he leaves now, or soon when he sees more of you. Because it would feel even more personal. Shouldn’t he know how much of a mess you are by now? Hadn’t he seen the mess you’d created during the game?

You try to focus on him, and you see hesitation in his posture. He is unsure what to do. Was you shaking not part of his plan? Was he regretting his choice to turn you into goo then rip you to  shreds now that he saw how weak you really are? The shame you feel makes you feel sick because you can’t see a way to hide it. Especially from him.

“You thuck, ED,” he says, sighing more. You let out a breath and stop shaking as badly, realising it’s a bit better now that it’s happening, and yes, you could get through this. You could avoid his existence after it all and laugh when any one else questions you about it. Maybe he’ll know you’re lying through your teeth, but hopefully others won’t. It’s not like anyone really thinks highly of you anyways. (Like they should. (not.)).

“I’m gonna leawe then,” you say, and you feel comfort in your decision. You don’t move though. You don’t want to leave and be so cold and alone.

“Why?” he asks. He then kisses you along you gills, and as much as you are trying to keep up your angry demeanor, you can’t help but moan and try to kiss him back. You faintly realise that you would’ve made a horrible kismesis for him.

“Sol...” you moan. You are scared, and you don’t trust him, and you don’t want him affecting you this way. Maybe being alone is worth it if you don’t have to feel this much terror.

He stops at your display of dismay, and that isn’t what you want at all.

“I’m getting mikthd thignalth here, ED,” he says. You don’t know what to do or say. But in all reality, you’re congratulating yourself on not crying throughout this entire time. He’s looking at you even more intensely now, and his bicoloured eyes are unnerving you because it’s him, and he can read you to your core. But you can barely read him, still. You feel like he looks hurt. “Were you theriouth? About wanting to leave?” You feel him pull away a bit, and that’s also not what you wanted. Not at all. You want to fall asleep in his arms feeling safe and warm and like he cares about you.

“Better than wwaitin' for wwhat wwe both know you’re about to say,” you say with contempt. You feel a shiver run down your naked body.

“ED...” and he sighs like he’s truly exasperated with you, completely taken away from speech to put words that exasperation. “I’m fluthd for you, you idiot. Red,” he says. He looks slightly distraught as well now, at least a little less unreadable, which grants you some sort of good omen. It also tugs at your heart. “I kinda thought the feeling wath muthual.”

And you stare at him. You see him pulling in on himself and think “ _Wow, maybe this is real. Maybe he really pities me._ ” You don’t know what to do.

“You’re not prankin' me?” you divulge, feeling more vulnerable than ever before. You don’t know if you can deal with this level of intimacy. And Sol actually looks hurt at that, at you asking him and at your voice getting small for a second there. You don’t know how to make this alright.

“Of courth not. Did you really think that?” he inquires, and you just feel more shame and more, and you just want it all to go away.

“Just wwanted to make sure. Wwouldn’t wwant to be vvulnerable and all gullible or anyfin,” you respond, and he just looks at you sadly. You still think this is all a joke. You think that this is just taking it a step farther. But then you realise that maybe it’s worth taking that risk. Because that has to be somewhat unlikely. Why would he try this hard to convince you otherwise? But what if he was about to burst out laughing at you any second? You’re not sure you could take it.

“I wouldn’t get all redrom and kithing you if I didn’t want to,” he confirms, and there’s enough sincerity in his voice you to believe it. You’re insanely grateful for him saying that, instead of just leaving it, because that makes sense. Sollux wouldn’t take off your clothes to hurt you. Even if he knew how vulnerable you felt and how alone you were, he’d find some other way to get back. That made sense. And it felt like it stuck, somehow.

“I’m flushed for you, too,” you finally allow yourself to admit aloud. And everything feels right and mutual, and after all that stress, it just feels so unbelievably incredible to kiss him and fall into his warmth.

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is legit the first homestuck fanfiction I have ever written.
> 
> I wrote ramblings here about that, but, essentially, /please/ let me know what you think. It would me so much. I need the feedback <3
> 
> (also my tumblr is eridanusupervvoid)


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